What I learned in 2023
This was a year that I spent in full conversation with myself and my soul. I learned so much about who I am and why I think the way I do.
The books I read.
The interpersonal relationships I had.
Most importantly the behaviour of my businesses and what it meant to me and my children.
There are times in life when you feel that you are helping people and by proxy, you are helping yourself. Helping people to a certain extent exposes you to their world. If our world is not grounded and stable the distortion that their world will cause to yours may be too much to overcome. This is why my mentor always says to me “Do you think when you did that, you were living in HONESTY”? If not the work you did, the gesture you gave. The favor you did was really selfish in the grand scheme of things. But we convince ourselves that we are a light……..But we are a light with strings attached. Consequences. Motives. Agendas.
That light is COUNTERFEIGHT! It can only bring misery and regret in the long run. For one or both parties.
I also learned that many many times helping others when you may not be as grounded and stable as you would like to be yourself is really co-dependency. We are trying to fill a need, a desire, or a want by first projecting that energy on someone in need. They themselves may have zero desire to fill your need and that is righteous. No one owes you anything. No one should ever have to pay back a sincere favor, gift, or gesture. But here we go……….”HELPING”
Don’t get me wrong. I am in the human service world and have been since I was 19. I Love helping people. I can't even count the amount of people I either help or fight for every day. However, The human service world is overrepresented by women and men who had dysfunctional Love scarce families and environments. To that end, our motive is NEVER as pure as you would want to believe.
The emptiness, the darkness the deep deep rabbit hole so many of us helpers spiral down into because after we finish. After we have done all the good we can do. Assisted all we could assist. When the indirect result is not achieved (someone then turns around and does the same for us)……..That is when the fall begins. Most times we CANNOT get up.
At the end of the day, the antidote to Co-Dependency is what is known as secure attachment. Being so content, so in love and so SECURE with yourself that if they don’t do for you, YOU ARE GOOD.
Happy New Year Y’all
And of course
Five Boroughs!!!!
Dawud Muhammad