My mind as a Phobia - Demi Badeux

My mind as a phobia

Some fear their own shadow

I fear the light

afraid of my own potential

Not because I don't long to shine

Not because I'm afraid of who I might blind

But because I'm afraid of who I am

If I stand tall and that light shines through

Would it be enough

It's easy to make excuses when I didn't do my best, knowing I secretly could do so much better because I've spent a lifetime daydreaming of what I could do if I believed my dreams, somehow I only believed my nightmares I've seen them unfold so I know the phenomenon of the worst isn't so rare not too hard to bare I stay ready

What if I outdid myself

And I did the best I could

What if I put it all on the line and you wanted more

I'm afraid of the limitless possibilities that i poses

I'm afraid I won't do it right

I'm afraid of the stage

Im afraid the day also afraid of the night

I'm afraid of the eyes peering into this book as the pages turn

I'm afraid of my mind I don't understand the thought it manufactures

I'm afraid of you seeing this light then gazing into my shadow and seeing the darkness that I also poses in abundance

With all that said I NEED to shine

I need to push all fears aside gain strength from my belittled pride and shine brighter than the stars I looked to wishing to die when I tried my best and failed every time

I need to shine because my lineage tells me it's about damn time

I need to shine for everyone whose been told they'd never amount to anything and almost believed it

I need to shine for everyone whose ever been beaten, abused, tortured with words and careless actions like a lifeless caucus torn apart by nearby vultures

I need to shine for everyone who has a dysfunctional family, who attract those who preys on the weak and soft-hearted portrayed as gullible because you choose to see the best in people ignoring the parasite-like tendencies of which they hide

I need to shine for everyone who suffers from depression, anxiety, insomnia, stage fright, sex addictions, mood swings, body dysmorphia, alcoholism, monophobia, Atychiphobia, societal norms because you've never fit in

Shine bright for those who hunt for love because with all the things you've ever received love wasn't one of them, not the love you get from your creators but the kind of love that sees past your flaws and and still yearns for the best in you adding colors to your vanilla skylights making cloud 9 look like the ground from up there because my concept of love is out of this world

Shine for everyone who been raped, molested, robbed of your gifts, stripped of your joy, peeled apart and destroyed from the inside out laughed at because of the mess that you've become

For everyone who dont know how to make their selves a priority without feeling guilty because you question if you even deserve your own love

For everyone who can't look on ancestry.com to find out more about their history because villains of the past snatched them from their homelands and changed their name to Toby

For everyone whose ever cut their selves because at least I chose to feel this pain being numb was all I knew, somehow so damaged that your way of healing is by creating a different pain only to see if I could still feel

For every tear dropped in loneliness, heartbreak, disappointment, unexplainable hurt that never left

For woman with sun-kissed melanin enriched skin kinky hair and curves a Ferrari couldn't ride, with personality traits society forces you to hide so you won't be called just another angry black girl because blacks suffer from mental illness too

For the homosexuals who were ever made to feel ashamed for being their true selves uncloseted, told they don't look gay or that the way you love will lead you to the elevator straight to hell

Labels will not confine you your love needs no limit its face has no gender you're heart is too big for any box

Those who are still searching for validation to be yourself even tho you don't quite know who that is

I need to shine because my predecessors never had a to chance

I need to shine because the sun does give a fuck if it blinds you why should I....